Got a question about your upcoming nuptials? Let wedding planner Siobhan Craven-Robins help.

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Siobhan Craven-Robins has organised weddings for celebs including Joan Collins and Barbara Windsor. Send in your questions to get a little bit of her expert advice.

Renewing vows

We are renewing our wedding vows in May and were wondering about the differences between a first wedding and a renewal. Can I have flowers, music etc at the church?

Vanessa

Siobhan answers:

A renewal of wedding vows is a wonderful idea. I think it is lovely way to remind yourselves why you married one another and to affirm your love and commitment to each other. It can be a private ceremony or you can invite guests and celebrate this occasion with your family and friends.

The difference between the two ceremonies is that the marriage is a legal ceremony where you sign a register and your marriage is recorded. In a renewal of vows, this is not required. It is a non-legal ceremony that is conducted to reaffirm the commitment you made to one another at the start of your marriage.

A renewal of vows takes the form of a ceremony but has a greater flexibility, as you do not have to make legal statements. You can incorporate readings, music, poems, hymns etc into your ceremony provided the officient approves them.

You will still say vows and renew your commitment to one another, but the phrasing is slightly different to demonstrate that you have already taken vows in church e.g. ' I have taken you as my husband' as oppose to 'I take you as my husband'.

You may well want to involve family and friends in your ceremony and should be able to do this by asking them to give readings or perform music.

As with a marriage ceremony, you must ensure that your priest has final approval of the ceremony and its format.

Down the aisle

Jo

Siobhan answers:

Traditionally, the bride and the person giving her away lead the way followed by the attendants. In the US, the bridesmaids and groomsmen lead first followed by the bride.

There are no hard and fast rules on this. Some British churches ask that a traditional format be followed but with a civil ceremony you are free to choose.

I favour the bride going last as that way she reaches the end of the aisle to stand by her future husband and the matron of honour is already there to take her bouquet. I think it is neater and looks the most effective, but you must do what works for you and also for the ceremony location. Your bridesmaids can follow behind you if you wish or go ahead after the Matron of Honour.

If they are children, it may make sense to have them follow you so they know what they are doing. If they are adults, it may look more aesthetically pleasing if they follow the Matron of Honour and so you make your entrance last of all.

Inviting friends

I would like to invite my friends to my daughter's wedding, but she says she does not see them that often, so why should she invite them? I know they are paying for the wedding, but I always thought that both sets of parents were allowed to invite friends. Can you advise?

Anon

Siobhan answers:

The guest list is usually dictated by two things: budget and available space at the ceremony and reception venues. It is sensible to make a guest list at the very outset of planning a wedding, as this will help you decide on the location and also set a realistic budget for the whole event.

The people holding the purse strings invariably have the most control over the planning process, and, as it is your daughter in this instance, she will want to choose whom she invites to share this special day.

Her decision not to invite your friends is more likely to be decided by the fact that she will have a definitive number of people she can invite to her wedding. There may be other guests she sees more of and would like to have at her reception. I would not take it personally or see it as a slight directed at your friends.

When the bride or groom's parents are hosting and paying for the wedding, they often do invite their own friends to the occasion. This is not a tradition, just something that they may typically choose to do.

Ultimately, a wedding is about the couple committing to one another surrounded by their close family and friends who they wish to share the day with, the same people who have been, and will hopefully continue to be, a constant and supporting presence in their lives.

If your daughter rarely sees and is not close to your friends, then I would respect her decision to not invite them.

However, if she does like them and may want them there, it could well be down to a shortage of space at the venue or her not being able to afford the extra guests.

As with any of these situations that arise during the planning of a wedding, it is best to talk about them. It will resolve the situation and also prevent any bad feelings arising between you.