Got a question about your upcoming nuptials? Let wedding planner Siobhan Craven-Robins help.

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Siobhan Craven-Robins has organised weddings for celebs including Joan Collins and Barbara Windsor. Send in your questions to get a little bit of her expert advice.

Top table

I'm helping to organise my mate's wedding and I'm stuck on the top table, I'm not sure who sits where. Does the chief bridesmaid sit next to the bride or is it the bride's dad?

Sue

Siobhan answers:

The traditional top table seating is, looking at the table from left to right: Chief bridesmaid/matron of honour, groom's father, bride's mother, groom, bride, bride's father, groom's mother, bestman.

Traditionally, you alternate men and women so if you need to add on another bridesmaid, they would sit next to the bestman.

A top table is usually eight people, but can extend to 10. More than that makes it a very long table that most likely will not be accommodated in the venue. If the top table is round, then you can fit up to 12 people on a 6ft round and this may be a better option if there is extended family who expect to be seated at the main table.

Another possibility may be to have a horseshoe or oval table that can accommodate larger numbers without using too much floor space in the reception room.

Mother of the groom

Ziggy

Siobhan answers:

There are no specific responsibilities for the groom's mother. However, this does not mean you cannot be involved and, given your proximity to your son and future daughter-in-law, I am sure they will find this helpful.

I would suggest organising a lunch meeting with your son, his fiancée and her mother so you can all discuss their ideas for the day and what sort of help they may require.

This will reassure them of your willingness to help and also open dialogue between you all. Weddings are an emotional time and sometimes misunderstandings can arise and close family members can feel left out of arrangements or made to feel they are interfering. The best thing is always to talk about it and ask your son and his fiancée what they will require help with and how you can help.

Usually the bride's mother and groom's mother do liaise with each other on their planned outfit for the wedding to ensure you don't clash or turn up in the same outfit!

Civil ceremony

As religious content is not permitted in the ceremony, what else is there except the vows? Should I arrange a musical piece or poetry? Also, neither of us want to put our friends and family under the pressure of giving speeches at the reception, are there any alternatives to entertain the guests during the meal?

Anon

Siobhan answers:

Your registrar will provide you with some suggested wording options for your civil ceremony that you can choose from. Aside from this, you can usually 'embellish' them slightly by adding in anything else you would like to say to each other.

Aside from this, you can also incorporate musical pieces and readings and poetry provided they have no religious content. This is quite usual. Couples often select two readings or poems and a piece of music to be played or sung during the signing of the register. If you are struggling to come up with ideas, it is worth asking your registrar as they may well have some suggestions for you. You can also choose music to arrive and leave to.

The speech dilemma is not an unusual one. Often the father-of-the-bride or groom are not necessarily comfortable with giving speeches to a room full of family and friends and are reluctantly obliged.

Firstly, if you are not a keen speaker it is best to keep it short and sincere. If you are not an easy joke teller, it is best to stay clear of them. The key to a good speech is to be yourself and say what you mean, there is no protocol dictating it has to be funny or long.

Traditionally, speeches take place after the meal. This means a long and painful wait for the speakers who, if they are nervous, cannot enjoy the meal and are reluctant to drink in case they make a fool of themselves. You do not have to have speeches then. If your speakers are nervous, I suggest either having the speeches during the drinks reception which is much more informal as everyone is standing around rather than seated and listening to the speeches or as everyone is seated for dinner, so they are out of the way and the speakers can relax and enjoy their delicious three-course meal.

For entertainment during the meal, there are many things that work well. A singer such as a Frank Sinatra impersonator who will wander around the room singing is great fun and creates a lovely ambience. A table magician is a wonderful icebreaker - they move from table to table between courses performing tricks for guests. A pianist playing a grand piano in the centre of the room looks great, and again, creates a warm, intimate atmosphere for dining.

No children

We are getting married in a marquee in my fiancée's parents' back garden and we have made the decision not to invite children to the wedding, apart from close family. We are having trouble wording the invitations, so that it does not come across as anti-kids or selfish! Any suggestions?

Anon

Siobhan answers:

This is a little difficult because you are inviting some children so cannot imply that all children are not invited in your invitation. I usually advise that either you invite all children or none at all, as this is fair to everyone. I appreciate that you may feel obliged to invite your families' children, but this can create discord amongst friends who have children that have not been invited. It is difficult to know how your friends who are parents will feel about this.

In the situation where children are not invited, I advise that you place a note in with the invitation saying something like 'unfortunately, due to the nature of the location/venue/occasion, it is not suitable for children and so we invite you to have a night off'. This informs your guests that it is an adult occasion and then they can decide if they are going to accept your invitation and get a babysitter.

If you are inviting children, I always recommend that you cater for them by having a crèche area, perhaps with an entertainer, so that they have somewhere to play and eat while being supervised.

Weddings are not great fun for children, they do not have the stamina to last the eight hours a typical wedding day lasts and do not enjoy being seated at a table for two hours while their parents enjoy a leisurely three- course meal and speeches that they do not understand! It is therefore advisable to cater for them so they can enjoy it and the parents can also relax and have fun.

Children that are in the bridal party, i.e. bridesmaids and pageboys, would be expected to be invited to the reception so you may want to think about that. Even then, the parents may well opt to have them taken home after the service so they can enjoy the party.